I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
