I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
