I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You took a bar mat shot.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
