you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
