It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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