Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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