There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
