I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
