she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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