I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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