; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
