so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
