OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
