1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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