there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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