Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
