Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
