I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
