I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
