oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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