Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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