1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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