Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
