just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I smell stomach acid.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
