yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
