what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
