It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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