Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
