Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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