I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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