Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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