First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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