I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I had to cum in my sink.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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