whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
