Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Watching her eat just hurts me
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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