alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
