woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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