Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
