best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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