literally had 100 drinks last night.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
