M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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