Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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