***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize