That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You made out with two different species that night
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
