Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
