So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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