Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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