I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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