I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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