dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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