he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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