i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
