Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
