How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
