i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
