that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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