i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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