Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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