Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
