i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
