My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
