I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
