I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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